His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
