Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
