The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
