You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
