i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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