My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
