Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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