Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
