worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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