Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
