I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
