What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
