I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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