Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
