why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
