THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
