I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
