Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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