3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
