hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
