dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
