we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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