OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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