i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Non-Jews are for practice
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
