I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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