I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
