Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
