I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
