so that wasnt chicken after all
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
