there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
