I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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