I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
