What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
