Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
