it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
