I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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