Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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