I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
