Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
