So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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