In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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