I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
