Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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