my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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