she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We left the knife in your bed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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