Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
