I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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