I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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