shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
