Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
