Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
