I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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