unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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