I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
