how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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