I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
