how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
