dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
