The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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