Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
